Why Talking is Important
Talking and listening to children does lots of important things. It improves your bond with them, and encourages them to listen to you. It helps them to form relationships and to build self-esteem.
And if you talk and listen to your children from a very young age, you’ll get yourself and them into habits that become very useful once they’re teenagers. If you can build an open relationship where your children feel comfortable talking about what they’ve been doing and with whom, they’remuch more likely to tell you about the details of their life once they’re older.
Like so many other things, talking and listening can be done badly, just OK, or done really well. And like any other skills, you get better with practice. Good communication with children is about encouraging them to talk to you. And listening so they can tell you how they feel.
Some children need a lot of encouragement and positive feedback to get talking. Others will be desperate to talk to you when you’re busy doing something else, which might mean stopping what you are doing and listening.
Positive communication isn’t just about saying ‘nice’ things or sharing good news. It’s about being able to really listen and responding in a sensitive way to all kinds of feelings, even about being angry or embarrassed or miserable or frightened.
As well as words, talking and listening are about reading body language and actions and interpreting non-verbal forms of communication.
Make time for talking and listening to each other.
- Listen to your children when they want to talk, have strong feelings or have a problem.
- Healthy communication includes talking about all kinds of feelings, including anger, joy, frustration, fear and anxiety. Talking about feeling angry is different from getting angry, though, and learning the difference is an important step for a child learning to communicate.
- Children think differently from adults. There are a lot of things they don’t know and a lot of things they don’t have the words to talk about. When talking to your child, try to remember how it was when you were a child and how you were generally attracted to those people who really listened to you. Try not to butt in when your child says something ridiculous or wrong or is having trouble finding the words let him finish what he’s saying and then respond.
- Use language that your children will understand. Sometimes we forget that children don’t ‘get’ everything.
- Listening is not just about hearing words, but also trying to understand what is behind those words.
- When listening, try not to jump in and cut your child off or put words in his mouth. Children appreciate this as much as adults!
- To let your child know you are listening, and make sure you’ve really understood, repeat back to him what he has said and make lots of eye contact.
- Show your interest by saying such things as, 'Tell me more about ...', ‘Really!’ and ‘Go on ...’ and asking your child how he feels about the things he’s telling you about.
- Avoid criticism and blame. If you are angry about something they have done, try and explain why you want them not to do it again and appeal to their sense of empathy. Read more tips about giving praise.
- Work together to solve problems and conflicts.
- Be honest with each other.